I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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