I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
