I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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