the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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