Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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