cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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