his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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