Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
