got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
