So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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