we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
