My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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