matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
