So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
