i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
