I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ugly people sure do ruin things
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
