My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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