he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
