All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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