the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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