I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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