To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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