No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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