The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
