There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Small penises have feelings too.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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