And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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