awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
