Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize