M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
