Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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