No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
