dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize