Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
