he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
