Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize