I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
