I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
