guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
