Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
