Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
