so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
