I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
