What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize