Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
