he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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