I wanna passion pit in your ass
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
