I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize