I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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