Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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