You smell like stripper and shame
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm too high and old for this...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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