Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
