so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
