While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
