If that was your dad, he is hot
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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