Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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