oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
