I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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