Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize