So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
