Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize