mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
