Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
