So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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