Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
