i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
