lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...so i touched it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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