just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
