dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
