I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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