dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
