he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
