I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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