she was so not down for the gang bang
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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