i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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