She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
