we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
