I am puke
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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