He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
