Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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